up or down, maybe up or down, dunno.

so parent teacher interviews went pretty well.
all of them said i improved from last year. which was good.
especially my chemistry teacher which gave me a massive boost in confidence.

my methods teacher however said i would only get into the high 30s for methods.
we'll see about that...

can't be bothered talking about other subjects.

anyway, monday (officially first day of the holidays) will be having a massive sports meet up with friends, distant friends, etc. organised by hans leung.

hope it works out well.

anyway, i was looking through the invite list:



dayan ramalingan, aka Mr. Ramalingan is a teacher.
i hope he turns up!!

anyway, finally managed to get in contact with the one muskateer i haven't met in person for 3 months. awesome experience.

at the moment, just catching up on chemitsry homework which will be checked tomorrow.
rest of this week gonna be bludginess.

holidays i'm really going to step it up. i have to unless i wanna get raped in the end of year exams.. BIG NO NO.

so i'm gonna really put effort into this. i started maybe a week ago, two weeks..?
i really hope it pays off.

- edit-
currently loving this song, puts me into good spirits:


_______________________
my mood:
- determined

`

two most important people in my life..apparently.

who are the people who are always meant to be at your side?
no matter how many fights you have, no matter how many times you've disappointed them, no matter what.

who are the people who know who you are?
who know you all the way through and through, no matter what happens between you.

who are the people who are meant to love you for who you are, for what you've done, no matter what you've done.

these people aren't meant to talk shit behind your back..
these people aren't meant to treat you like a trophy..


they're meant to care..care about you..
to just care about you, leaving everything else aside.


but then tonight..

i made a mistake..i didn't tell my tutors my report card results..

i didn't think it was such a big deal, but in actual fact, it was.

apparently my parents want to help me...
apparently it was meant to help me if i told my tutors how crap my results were..


how really...how important are they?

probably the most important people in my life.

but i'm questioning that now...from not telling my tutors my report card marks my parents have gone into rage mode..actually, my dad has. raged for about 30 minutes.
then after that, i left to have my shower.

i stopped outside my room to wait for any further comments my dad wanted to make..
sure enough, there they were.

they used cantonese..i'm guessing they still believe i can't understand cantonese that well..
but i heard it all..i understood it all..

my dad said something along the lines of: "ofcourse he's scared, he's never going to change."

that was it..i had had enough..
i shouted downstairs "WHY DON'T YOU GO TO THE INTERVIEW FIRST?"

then proceeded to drop my bag onto the floor and throw everything in my hands onto my bed..

i showered in quiet rage..

parents still raging at each other..

probably negotiating their opinions on me..

but now i kinda know..

- are they at my side if they keep talking shit behind my back?
- do they know me? do they REALLY know me now? i've changed, but do they know that?
- i'm not sure they even love me..they just use me as a trophy at dinner partys "zomg..thomas is doing so well in school..zomg your kid isn't. ha ha ha. zomg, thomas owns your kids." but becuase i'm doing so shit..they can't..and that's why they're pissed.

they don't give a fuck about my future. they just want to use me to show off what monye can do..but you know what? money does not equal happiness.

faith in my parents is gone for tonight..

maybe it'll come back some other day..

just maybe..

______________________
my mood:
- fucked..


`

richmond and campbell town~

campbell town's a nice place to go.
there's tons of shops in neat rows and quite a few food places which feature outdoor eating areas.

so i went there today.

bought myself some nice new shoes for $20.

there are a bunch of other shoe shops around, but yeah, didn't use too much money.

so after eating Nandos, my whole family went over to Richmond to buy some meats. my dad bought some fishies for his pond.

JOYOUSED OCCASION.

indeed.

so yeah, i'm home now. 4:20pm.
not doing much.

maybe tonight i'll try organise the sports thing a bit more. first monday of the holidays should be the time.

still waiting for time confirmations.

there really isn't much else to talk about.

rindu riq.

need the 4 muskateers around.


_____________________
my mood:
- dazed


`

H | O | P | E

well, here's a short one~

anyway, today, someone asked me if it was still possible to get a 50 in Accounting if they felt they did crap in their SAC.

i said "yeah ofcourse"

to tell you the truth, i don't know the answer. if you didn't do well in your SAC that's worth 8% of your Accounting score, i'm guessing there's still a chance to get a 50.

but even if i knew he wouldn't be able to get a 50 anymore, i still would've said that the 50 was possible.

because

there's a saying i learnt quite a while ago now..
if i put it into context it goes something like this:

"telling him he can still get 50 in accounting gives him hope, and people need hope"

i mean it's true isn't it? if he can't get a 50 anymore..what's the use in going on with it..?

hope is what makes people to strive to be something better than they currently are.
hope keeps people going.

to put it straight...

hope keeps people alive.

i have hope..i hope for many things to come true..
keeps me going, and waiting, it's almost like a purpose..

ahwell, sleepy time for me. :)

____________________
my mood:
- deep

`

soloing life, one thing at a time.

the past week has been kinda rough, but in the end it turned out okay.

normally goes: rage @ me -> avoidance for about 3 or 4 days -> starts talking to me again -> back to normal..sort of..

currently it's @ the "back to normal..sort of.." stage.

so today taking the bus home. none of my friends to distract me from observing my surroundings.
also i forgot to charge the iPod, and hence there was no music to distract me either.

so being a semi-overanalytic person, i was looking @ people's faces as they got onto the bus.

there were two distinct types of people.

the "i-know-what-i'm-doing" people, and the "i'm-insecure-but-i-think-i-know-what-i'm-doing" person.

the i-know-what-i'm-doing people:
- they blink very rarely. and when they blink, it is a "long" blink
- they look around slowly
- they do things at a relatively slow (and confident) pace, such as putting their Metcard away, taking out their mobile phone etc, etc

the i'm-insecure-but-i-think-i-know-what-i'm-doing people:
- they blink quickly. and when they blink, it is quick
- they have jerky movements when looking around
- they do things with shaky hands, and quick jerky movements


but i could be wrong you know.

anyway, about soloing life one thing at a time,

since my report card, having the worst possible grades since..ever, i decided i'd go do some extra studies @ the pines library since there aren't really any distractions there. so one week i did that, and through accounting revision and chemistry revision, i think i did okay in both SACs.

i went there to study methods aswell, and i think that paid off.

it's convenient too, since it's part of a hole-of-a shopping mall, so i can get my food supplies whenever i want.

library closes @ 8pm so that's a plus for me.

so yes. studies/work/homework/VCE.. one thing. at a time. :)


______________________
my mood:
- skypey (with jenn and tux)
JENN IS COOL.


`

hrms. and more hrms.

i have no more SACs until next term, hence i have gotten extremely lazy over the past..3 hours. i haven't done any work yet..except for a few questions from the book @ the library. no-one went to boxhill with me..

oh well, i had a fun time looking @ my surrounds once again. did not purchase breadtop today, instead opting for a red bull from the pines after my epic study adventure @ the pines library. walked home..pretty cold surprisingly.

got home lazy as a pile of poop. ate dinner. upstairs now. nothing doing.


been listening to this since..couple days back now. gonna shower. possibly update when something sentimental comes to mind.


was just looking through my "malaysia trip" pictures folder, and it just so happens that it contains 3-second long videos when my parents or whoever, was taking the photo but had it on video mode instead of picture mode.

- my dad calls simon's name like 3 times.. o_O

_____________________
my mood:
- pree good!


`

if you want to be happy, be.

so this is pretty much my life put into a sentence..less than a sentence.

"if you want to be happy, be."

-leo tolstoy

so anyway, most of the time i get through life happy. yes, i get my share (100% of the time) of fail marks, but i try not to let that affect me.

at times when i've spent my time doing something and even before i get the marks back, i know i've done something wrong, i do react in an anti-happy way.

but i try hard to not let it affect me too much. because then people around me who are quite compassionate like a certain christofer duong come to my rescue.
i'm not saying it's a bad thing, it's just that i don't deserve the sympathy.
i know deep down i'm actually quite an evil and selfish person, so when people offer me consolation i feel bad because it's not like i'm going to do the same.

but maybe i will..

chris was just an acquaintance in year 7 or 8, both of us brought together through soccer (i think). but that's not important. now it's close..
i never realised it until recently.
dunno if it's just me, or if it's everybody else aswell.

chris is a cool person. i appreciate him is all i'm gonna say.

anyway back to the "maybe i will" bit. i think i should be more giving to others. i will be more giving to others.

because i remember one time in my dream, i helped a couple of people and i had a good feeling about it even though it didn't happen in the real tangible world.

ah, getting a bit off track. but anyway. people say giving gives you that irreplacable feeling of doing something good.

i mean, even though i may seem happy, there's always all the underlying cause-and-effect in my life that hardly anyone gets to hear of.

so

i'm gonna do that. i'm gonna be that happy person.

====== Break from mushy mush mush stuff ========

spent almost 3 hours @ the library today. when i got home my dad said hi to me.
yes, i was kinda shocked and i had to supress the smile that was on my face because i didn't want to appear weak in front of him.

i had dinner, then came upstairs to have a small chemistry discussion with hanz and tuckz.

just bumming at the moment.

btw, i had V yesterday, and today i bought myself a red bull.

V has a sort of medicinal taste, but the fizzyness makes it taste more like overripe berries. it's good no doubt and kept me awake from about 7pm till about 12am. yes i was sleepy before 7. perked me up goooooooood~

red bull, haven't had much because i don't want to not be able to sleep again like last night.
has a very nice tangy strawberry taste. i'm just having sips every now and then and hoping it'll last me more than a day each because they don't go for cheap @ ~$3 each.

but anyway, chemistry studies.
having fun at the moment.

btw, just got an email from a lawrence leung saying i'm useless and annoying. i hate people who put people down for no apparent reason.
even if it is a "joke" the interweb doesn't portray it.

gonna put this behind me for now.

- edit 30th march -
i cannot believe i typed that up.. -_-
i feel like such a tool..
loz wrote this 500 word apology..and now i feel gay :(


_____________________________
my mood:
- was awesome, then sort of not anymore.

`

as of late.

going goooood.
probably won't be talking to my dad for the next week or so, same old story.
but it wasn't a fight, it was more of a sit-and-listen kinda of thing.

so anyway, today went to breadtop boxhill after having a chat with patrick sg on the tram; apparently he was deemed a mentally psychopath.

but it was fun, seeing what he wants to do in life since he dropped out of school.

bought ham + cheese bun, and a cinnamon donut.


^
|
---- yeah this place so then after that, waited around @ the bus stop and caught the 286 to the pines. went straight to the library and found out, it actually closes at 8pm. so i hung there until about 6:10pm doing a bit of science reading, and accounting revision on top of chemistry note-taking. spent about an hour and a half there. was fun becase it's quiet. then i ran into thompson yip, transferred from cgs to EDSC. fun..

and ffs..you know who just came in my room again to tell me how much of a failure i am. and my whole life's a mess. and how i'm putting on a facade by studying

"why are you studying? why are you putting on this act?"

i think he's got anger issues..he's alienated from me..since a long time ago..long long time ago..and he's never made it up..i've tried..and tried..and all i get is this shit.

oh well.

+1 week on the non-speaking terms.

anyway. currently revising more accounting and chemistry.
gonna have fun with this. it's pretty easy, just that there's a high chance of making a mistake since it's so easy. so i'll try my best.

fucking parents these days.


___________________________
my mood:
- good yet not

`

as of this second.

so it's been about..20 minute since the last post.
because someone posted a video dedication to me..

from 3 members of my family..
- shah fariq
- azmi sheila
- allya sarah

and there's also ryu. nice boy.



okay. so being honest here. i do not feel like shit anymore.

even though my dad's been in and out of my room about 3 times now..telling me off for different things..i feel awesome.

these three guys are the best..and it may sound cliche..but it's the truth.

love these guys forever <3

__________________________
my mood:
- ownage


`

i deserved it.

1) i am a failure
2) i have been a failure my whole life
3) i have never listened to my parents
4) i am going to die because of this VCE thing
5) i'm a virgo, and therefore i am a failure
6) there are many other virgos in my dad's workplace who fail
7) because i am asian and short i will not do well in life
8) my dad isn't smart, but he works for it. i am not smart, but i don't work for it. there's a big difference
9) my dad is cynical about anything i say
10) i have unrealistic goals in life
11) i will probably fail VCE
12) i have been a failure my whole life
13) i fail at everything
14) even though i try out for things, they don't matter in life (prefect, etc, etc)
15) i'm an introvert
16) i am reserved
17) my personality fails
18) my assessment report fails

quoted from gary loo, 23rd March.

____________________________
my mood:
- suicidal

`

uneventful.

been having nightmares because i watched Silent Hill.

PLEASE DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE IF YOU'RE NOT ON HOLIDAYS.

so yes, finally got to sleep quite late, possibly 3am. and woke at 11:57am.

started the work.

hi-ho, hi-ho..off to work we go.

did accounting last night because i couldn't sleep because of the you know what.

also, my msn games lobby was being weird:


well, in a way it'd be convenient. but it's not practical. because it's sort of a one off kinda thing when the games screw up.

today, tried a bit of accounting, and currently doing english comparative language analysis..

ah so gay..so gay..

_________________________
my mood:
- gonna die from work overload.


`

just gonna go there and wait.

where do i want to go?

- the end of the year

why do i want to go?

- because i'm going to be waiting for someone

who are you waiting for?

- alladin


oh yeah oh yeah.
pretty good week..apart from a few SACs.

which have been real eye openers. i've realised maths is all about exposure to different types of equations of the same chapter.
i believe i can do really well on the next SAC because:
a) i got the determination to do well
b) i got the will to do well
c) i got the potential to do well
d) i've been reading ahead of class. :)

so i'm kinda proud of myself for doing this. but how long will i be able to keep this up? i have no idea.

hopefully until the next SAC.

tomorrow going to sarie's house; house warming thing i think. it's gonna be cool.

ALSO. tomorrow i will commence my mathematical methods and chemistry revision because:
a) i'm cool
b) i wanna do well
c) i got the determination to do well
d) i got the..yeah..

currently skyping with edi, farn, jon, tuck.
and chris duong is probably having sex, which is why he can't make it to the skype session.

Golf GTi @ Royal Melbourne Autoshow '09
everyone please get on skype..it's a really cool thing to keep in touch with loved ones.

add me: thomashokit

______________________________
my mood:
- appropriate.

`

extreme nostalgialistic music.

before i forget.

Harder - Deepforces
listen to the first 2 seconds of this song.

okay, that part..makes my nose clear, and makes my body feel in a state of a dream.

it's like one of those cool bright mornings where i have nothing to worry about, no school, no homework. i've got energy to move around.

and also just outside my window there's a blossom tree, which NATURALLY only blossoms in spring.

and the whole thing is just like me sitting in front of my table for a few seoncds, looking to my left, where the sun rays peer through the white screen and leave rays on my floor. then behind me, there's a cool gentle breeze coming in through the window making the curtains waver a bit. then i see the blossoms, pink tinged white blossoms all over, the sun excentuating them in every way possible.

reminds me of a wedding also.

i don't know how or why i feel like this.


FIRST 2 SECONDS.


______________________
my mood:
- sleepy

school, bus, dinner.

school sucks.
probably failed my first maths methods SAC.

not gonna go on about it because i'm a bit emo.

then took the bus from boxhill, only to be consoled by christopher duong and amanda chan.

and edi was there also just playing around with other people's phones.

so i bussed all the way to The Pines and ate dinner @ Nando's.

by myself..

it was fun in a way. being alone gave me the urge to get ahead with my methods work so when we did it in class i would have a better understanding that most people in my class.

I ALSO REALISED..

that maths is all about exposure. sure the book gives you the basic formulas and gives you examples.

but once those are taken away..there's almost no chance you'll be able to do the question until you've actually done that same procedure a billion times over.

i'm gonna keep that on my mind. exposure is best.

so that's my moment in the light of my mind.

_________________________
my mood:
- emo

`

something hopped across the gap between the left and the right of my eye.

i went down to play the piano today to vent a few of my vague spasms of anger.
and i realised that i played the piano without having to think about using the pedal.

previously i just played played played~
but today i really took the time to analyse everything i was doing on the piano because no-one else in my family can play the piano, with exception to my grandparents (<3 them much)

so yes, the pedal was a cool thing i learnt about myself today.

the gap between the left and right of my eye?
a symbol for realisation.

so i guess now i'll be studying for my mathematics SAC tomorrow.

cancelled my tuisyen (tuition) for tomorrow, which is a wednesday because i cbf.
hopefully gonna dine @ boxhill with myself, or someone else. dunno.

but it'll be fun for me. as a solo experience if i don't have people distracting me, i'll have more of a chance to see what other people around me are doing.

and in the end i guess it's good for me..since my parents always say my cousins are so much smarter than me, and i don't dispute that.

but being street-wise to a certain extent, i guess i can say i'm not a noob.

okay totally random.

STUDY TIME

__________________
my mood:
- anxious

`

new vs old.

Skyline vs. Skyline.
I do have to admit that the R35 GT-R looks sessy and hawt, but in my opinion it looks BADDER than the R34.


Yes, it does have a much higher stock BHP output and better aerodynamics..and currently has the fastest time on the Nürburgring..and balance..and suspension..

But that's besides the point.

It still has those four taillights which are synonymous with Skyline, but the back end has gone wayyyyyyy too curvy..Way way wayyyyyyy too curvy.

It's kinda like a 350Z, except with four taillights as opposed to the two streaky things the 350Z has for taillights.


Where as this one..Is square at the back and looks velly velly nice.
The front is much more rectangular and aggressive than the R35 and there's a rational explanation behind it.

The R34 was a follow on from the R32 and R33 models, initially portrayed as a tuner sports car. The R35, a request from the head chief Ghosn, was meant to WOW THE WORLD.

And as we see it now, it's not an affordable car, this R35..Just a big sporty pieces of metal that doesn't really have sporty accessories, because that would only hinder it's racing potential.

When we see the R34..It's KNOWN to be a good car, a sporty car, a car that is easily accessorisable..( o_O" )

And it's also 100% more affordable at under $50,000AUD for a decent second hand one.

I was reading up on this @ the library today, because I got bored.
So that's that.

R34 FTW.

Btw, I don't want one anymore because:
a) I won't be able to afford one ever
b) It only comes in semi-automatic, which is lame.

`

"get to know yourself" - or so the website says.

ming tagged me to do this shiz:

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx


========= RESULTS =========

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.
Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:

You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy.
How do you view success:

Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.
What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.
Who is your true self:

You like privacy very much because you enjoy spending time with your own thoughts. You like to disappear when you cannot find solutions to your own problems, but you would feel better if you learned to share your thoughts with a person you trust.



..right..

__________________________
my mood:
- weird!

`

eventful, sort of.

went to royal melbourne autoshow a weekend ago.
and i didn't get the chance to look through the showbag until yesterday, when i decided i'd use it to carry my stuff around. :)

WHILE i was pulling everything out, i spotted this little package. i thought it was a batch of matches or something.

curiously, i opened it.


yes, ford gave me a little picket fence made out of cardboard which i can plant.
the little circle things hold the seeds in place..so maybe i WILL plant them.

and then, i had a nice nap today after playing badminton with sammy chan and jonlee and tucks and jeff. wow that was a fun session.

so yeah, once i got home, i had a nap, and my dad decided it'd be fun to open up one of the windows which i keep close for a reason..
i already had one window open, so i didn't have to open two.



now if you look closely..you will see that the chain attached to the window has actually detached itself...
as a result, when i try close the window completely, it does not work because the bottom plank has sort of snapped off.

my dad's solution:
(because i bitched about it to him)


(yes, he suggested i put a towel there. since it's raining, it will HOPEFULLY keep the rain out.)

on a side note, this is a funny ad.



basically, steven chow is confronted by a girl who uses the "web-name" of "Dreamy"
she then says, "That's just my web-name. My real name is *Rips off silicone face* Flowery"

then you see steven chow trapped in a web. saying how the web is a place of trickery, and how he was lured into a trap. ESPECIALLY WITH INTERNET DATING.

that's my day.

so everyone take care, including myself while i continue to do some methods revision on a chillax night..which is saturday.

why the hell am i doing work..? O_O

bleh, i'm off.
_____________________
my mood: content

`

And I find it kind of funny,

i find it kinda sad.

sleep deprived.
mega sleep deprived. i find it funny because i haven't had the motivation to sleep early.. ._.

kinda sad, because during my youth group session, i was mega stoned and it was EXCRUCIATINGLY hard to concentrate.



powerpuff girls btw.

i also hope mr. shah fariq is doing okay.
i'll be there for you every step of the way bro.

`

listen to those who matter.

today, abang aku made me realise that i gotta try as hard as i can for VCE.
and coming from him, ofcourse i will listen, he's been through the same situation before.

and the best thing about him, is that no matter how bad the circumstances are, he will always look to the bright side.

always gives me advice on what to do, how to act, what to say.

i wish he could just be here right now..

right here, living in my house with me.

because that's what i feel it should be like.


have i known him my whole life? perhaps. maybe i did know him before, just that i hadn't really got to know him.
but for the past year, he really has changed my life.

so i got one thing to say:
if you're ever in trouble or need help, gimme a call and i'll be right over.

appreciated much.

<3

`

~Poo Story: Episode Epic Battle.

date: 12th march 2009
colour: brown dye
smell: 7/10
viscosity: watery to mildy thick
effort: A LOT. i was on whitehorse road when the contractions in my intestines began to tell me i had to go to the toilet. i didn't want to rush my mum, so i clenched my butt cheeks together and soldiered on.

about 5 minutes away from the nearetst toilet, the contractions started again, i seriously felt i was going to shit my pants.

in an effort to stop myeslf shitting my pants, i told my mum to go to the music school section of the school because:
a) it felt like i could no longer hold it in
b) i thought some of it had already come out
c) the music school toilets are closer

so my mum pulled up beside the place, and i quickly made a dash for the music school. i even managed a "hi" to one of my friend along the way.

i rushed into the toilets, quickly closed the doors and pretty much yanked my pants down and sat on the seat.

..it felt so good to let it out into the toilet instead of my undies, but it was also uncomfortable.

the first section of the poop was kinda like diarrhoea, then when it got to the chunkier bits, i couldn't push it out.
it made that sort of..wheezing sound as if you were trying to squish it out.
when i heard it, i just sort of laughed to myself..my poop..a monster.

after pushing as hard as i could, i decided it was time to wipe my butt.

about 100 times. so i did.

and i went back out to get my bag from the car. my mum understood how i felt, so she happily stayed on the road while i was doing some poopy; it was also her day off.

so yeah.

`

hang tuah.

kinda had a sleepy day today.
stoned to the max.
probably should sleep soon though.

anyway, tuisyen was okay-ish.

came home, showered, v-called riq, chatted with other peeps

then semi-haircut.

now chemistry homework..always seems as though i have chemistry homework.

Puteri Gunung Ledang

i'm gonna watch it.

btw, ming's blog got pics of her going to rumah hope:

http://www.rumahhope.org

the pics on her blog almost made me cry.
her blog in on the right somewhere if you're interested
_____________________________
my thoughts:
- i might change this part to "my mood"

_____________________________
my mood:
- sleepy!

`

as the willow sways.

sunday 8th of march, sarah syafiqa allya's bday.

went out to pick up david loo to go to royal melbourne autoshow.

michael was busy studying, so better to leave him be.

all in all, we got good stuff.

- 1 ford bag
- 1 honda bag

subaru being stingy..wanted us to donate $1 to get their bag..

AS IF I'D DONATE..

anyway, the day went on, took a couple pics of cars.


_________________________________________________

this morning i was invited to go badminton @ boxhill.

so i had about 30 minutes to get ready and organise transport etc, etc.

ended up having a fun day, then took a ride with duong from aqualink back to boxhill SC.

ate lunch @ grain asia cafe, preeeeeeety good.

THEN

edison, farn and myself went to get some bubblecup, then went to screw around in target. sometimes edi's like a child..

BAHAHAHAHAH yes..edison's a child @ times.

then farnie got picked up, and edison and i bummed around in the foodcourt until our bus came.

thennnnn got home, had a shower.

everything gone good, then adik saya being a little faggot. tricks me into taking the rubbish out for him for the past week, then acts all homocidal when i ask him to take it out to balance the rubbish weeks.

he'll probably kill me tonight while i'm sleeping, so if there isn't another blog in the next week or so, presume i'm dead.

my last wishes:
- i love my friends
- sad i won't be able to meet you again riq
- sorry i won't be able to meet anyone else again
- love my family

_________________________________
my thoughts:
- GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD!!

`

wasted.

it is currently 11:48pm.

i've taken out my english homework to do..

whole day gone..

friggen wasted.

well, i today, i had probably the best sleep in the past two weeks.

slept at approx. 1:30am, woke up 12:15pm.

not a REALLLLLLLY long sleep, but it was enough to keep me going until now. still got a bit of energy left in me.

earthquake yesterday. i survived..woopdy fucken doo.

what else happened last night..
there's this one guy in my prayer group..he's really shy, and if he needs help he doesn't ask. so i'm guessing i have to be really open with him, to set an exampl for him to follow..because it's the first time i've really met someone with this kind of personality and i don't know how to handle it.

then i drove home..typical..lame..

past few days haven't chat to riq. rindu padamu.

sarah syafiqa allya's bday tomorrow. well in 6 minutes really.

so that's all for now. another chapter in my life, locked into the internet.

_____________________________
my thoughts:
- homework?
- YES DO MY HOMEWORK
- cartoon analysis >_>

`

0% battery.

no energy to move
no energy to think
no energy to chat
no energy to sleep.

sleep...

wow..this is gonna be the first time i can sleep without being disturbed in two weeks.

i'm gonna have fun with this sleep. :)

__________________
my thoughts:
- sleep
- sleep
- sleepy

`

rush of relief.

i got home only to be confronted with the thought of a course i would like to apply for in university.

initially, biomedical science was a course i thought i'd be interested in, but upon further reading, i realised that it was all lab work, and nothing fun.

it's kinda like an assignment you know you won't be able to finish, and is due the next day. that feeling inside of desperation and helplessness.

anyway, i kept searching and searching, looking for interesting courses..searching through my VTAC guidebook..only to find nothing.

i was contemplating doing the UMAT, which i believe i am going to do regardless of what course i choose. and decided to do a few practice questions.

hard, and yes, hard.

i searched and searched until i found out the melbourne model could actually benefit myself.

to be guranteed a place in Doctor of Optometry, i am required to get an ENTER equivalent of 99.0.

now that's possible for me, but not realistic.

as i continued to read, i saw "Bachelor of Biomedical Science and Bachelor of Science can offer pathways into the said Doctor of Optometry"

F*CK TO THE YEAH.

for those who don't know, getting into Bachelor of Biomedical Science or Bachelor of Science is much easier than getting an ENTER of 99.0.

i was initially aiming for biomed, then didn't, and now, i shall keep trying.

it's gonna work out!

i'm pumped.


`

realisation in times of extremity.

so for the past week i've been pretty busy with studies and all.

and i've only just realised that even though i'm on msn..and people are chatting to me. my mind is sometimes somewhere else..

at times i've had freedom where i can freely chat. but the tension that surrounds my studies still lingers..sort of like a blanket.

through these few past experiences, i've come to learn that i've been neglecting friends to a certain extent.

i'm talking about the long-distance relations i have with a few close people.

i'm not saying everything i've tlaked with them is half-hearted..ofcourse when i chat with them it's awesome, just that sometimes when i have a book in front of me. i'm sort of compelled to look more @ the book than @ msn.

i keep the volume to 0 so i don't get distracted everytime something happens on MSN.

it helps. i can tell.

just that through these semi-intense times, i have come to see that some people gonna get pushed aside when VCE requires me to really buckle down and get working..

still gonna be hoping that we'll go to the sky togeher.


`

relieved..

friggen english SAC took up so much of my time yesterday night.

i was planning to blog something. but kinda decided against it.

i spent most of my day during class writing out my ideas..over and over until i wouldn't forget them. but when it came down to the actual thing..i..

...actually...

REMEMBERED THEM!

but i don't even know if they're close to what the prompt is asking.

so bleh. after the SAC..lazily took the tram down with a couple friends.
when we got there..andrew was kinda emo-ing over his english SAC because he forgot all his points. =/

saw bek tran and said hello to clare.

hai was there too..we just bought some stuff to eat. my mum told me to eat out today because she couldn't bothered cooking.

and andrew has this "worker of the month" card..half price for whatever you buy..

initially $8.50 for two small cheeseburger meals..reduced to $4.25.

F*CK YEAH!!

so yeah..bussed home alone..i always fall asleep on the bus when there's no-one to talk to..

got home at 6:42pm..currently 7:16pm.

may post some blog of my deep thought process later on tonight..this will just be a memory of today..something i can refer to when i'm 100 years old.

_____________________________
my thoughts:
- not hungry
- kkb?
- so bored..

`

easily influenced.

okay, so a friend of mine, i'd like to think a semi-close friend, lost a loved one this morning.

and even though it wasn't my loss, i was still hit by the shock of it.

for the next 2 or 3 hours..my brain wouldn't work properly. it wouldn't focus on anything except him.

how's he taking it?
how's he coping?
is he alright?

all these questions kept replaying in my head..

after the period had finished, he was there packing his bags with is closer friends supporting him.

i had to ask him "are you alright?"
he nodded..except he had tears in his eyes. i knew he wasn't, but that's okay. i sort of understand how he's feeling.

you see, i haven't lost a loved one in the 17 and a bit years of my life. i'm grateful for that. and because of that. i can't fully understand how he's feeling because i don't know what it's like.

sad day.

i hope he's alright.


`

two things on my mind. my life, and my respect.

part a)

my life.

at school. i probably act 100% happy when everything is going fine for me. when something bad happens, i'm probably 100% emo.

but most of the time i'm that 100% happy. and all my friends @ school probably see that i'm only this short boy who is always happy, and is shallow with no appreciation for anything else.

i can't blame them. it's the way i act in school. i don't particularly like school..and studying and learning isn't all that epic. so for myself to make school feel decent, i gotta mke myself feel happy.

i'm pretty sure that's the reasoning behind my happy attitude.

but the truth is..the emotional side of me doesn't come out when i'm hanging out with a massive group of asians. you all know that feeling. how can you open up when there's 10 asians look at you.
if you're hanging with me one on one, you will definitely see the emotional side of me.

even at school, after school, if studies isn't impending on our conversation i might feel like opening up a bit. it has happened. but not many people really see it because their lives are always so busy. yeah, now that i think about it..not many people have really been chatting with me one on one at school.

and that's why i guess..my first impression is always somewhat skewed. i'm perceived as some happy kid who has no deep feelings.

the fact is, i do.

part b)

my respect.

i hold high respect for this kind of person. a person who doesn't care that you live in another country, who doesn't care what race you are.
even if they haven't met you in real life yet..they will still show you courtesy and respect.

there are a lot of random people on my msn. a large majority of these random people whom i havent met before..let's say..99% don't even talk to me.

i'm specifically talking about those who haven't met me in real life yet.

but then there's that 1%..those who actually take the effort to greet me, get to know me. then over time..we get close. which was kinda what happened last year.
i got close to 1 or 2 people..then actually got the chance to meet them in malaysia.

and now..2 months after that holiday..i have found a few more people..who i enjoy chatting to.

getting close..close..maybe one day we can all meet.

respect from me to those who hold respect for others.

________________________
my thoughts:
- sleepy
- goodnight

`